remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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