I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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