I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
