Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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