You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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