It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize