i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
