I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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