She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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