Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
