I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I cockslap morals
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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