Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
