remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
