I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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