i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
