The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
