I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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