I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
