laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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