i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
