I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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