You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
