Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
