i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.