you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.