It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.