Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
