Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me