never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
