I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
