I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
