I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
