I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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