no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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