i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well I just put wine in my tea
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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