Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
