Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
