is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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