I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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