Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
