yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
