some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
