True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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