I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
