yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
