u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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