I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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