Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's always time for handjobs
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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