You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
