I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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