I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
