i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
