You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
