Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
