dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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