I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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