last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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