i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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