I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
