So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
