mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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