Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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