Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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