the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
