My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
