she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
