I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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